If you are reading this, remember that you do not need to hit a rock bottom to question your relationship with alcohol. March 1st of 2020 I challenged myself to stay alcohol free for 30 days just to see if I could do it. And in those 30 days I learned who I was without alcohol. I did not know this person as I had been drinking for many years. I felt the healthiest I had ever felt. I felt awake. I began to realise that alcohol no longer served the life I was adamant on living. I have always been aware of alcohol as my dad died of alcoholism when I was 13. In that loss, I did a thousand things to fill the void. Stupid things, rebellious things, things I never want to admit. If being a teenager wasn't hard enough, being bald and losing a parent was enough for me to absolutely lose it. Thus, my toxic relationship with alcohol began. Like many other people, I struggle with confidence and self acceptance. I have a condition called Alopecia, in my case I have total hair loss. During my break from drinking, I realised that I was using alcohol to make myself feel bold, courageous and fearless because of my self esteem issues related to my condition. I liked alcohol far too much and I continuously found myself using it as a crutch to be more social, push me out of my comfort zone and calm my nerves.
After those 30 days were over I realised I didn’t want any more of that messiness for my future. I wanted to be entirely me. I wanted to be brace and bold without the addition of alcohol and I realised I could do that. I was stronger than I believed. I thought about my future and what could be if I continued to allow alcohol to make me someone that I wasn’t. I never want to have kids brought up in a situation where they feel less than because their own parent chose alcohol over them. The truth is, I never needed alcohol to “help me”. Getting sober actually showed me how much alcohol hurt me. I have learned through being sober (and lots of therapy) that I am me and I can be exclusively me without it. I have come a long way in my self love journey to be able to say all of this to you. But if anything, I want to say that getting sober was the best decision I have ever made. I have met the largest and most welcoming community that continues to allow me to be myself in its entirety and I will forever be grateful and indebted to the people that support me everyday.