Brandi Brown

aka hella.sober

Hey! I’m Brandi and I’m hella sober. It’s been 3 months and I’m still stuck somewhere between disbelief that I’m even saying it and yet feeling more affirmed in it than most anything else. Knowing alcohol wasn’t for me was a truth that I felt from the moment I had my first drink and yet it took me 15 years to finally align with it. Embracing and living this truth has ushered in some extraordinary shifts in my life.

Daily alcohol consumption was not my norm, actually far from it. For years I could go days without drinking and not have any trouble with cravings. My booze-filled woes always came after a night of heavy binge drinking when I would be filled with shame and dying of a hangover the next day, and swore never again. 

I can’t even count how many “Day 1s” I’ve had, but it wasn’t these drunken nights, lost memories, and wasted days that got me to make a change… I never considered it a problem because I didn’t need it every day, and it felt normal as all my friends were doing the same.

What finally got me to quit was a shift that happened in myself that began last year and had gotten really bad by the end of it. A glass of wine here and there, was suddenly daily, and before I knew it had turned into a bottle of wine or more a night. Hidden behind the accepted “mommy wine culture” and glitz and glamor of the fact I drank “good” wine instead of cheap vodka, I suddenly NEEDED alcohol every day and the idea of a day without it was daunting. I was consumed by alcohol faster than I could consume it... until I stopped on May 27th.

Since then, I’ve been learning how to feel safe in my body without substances, forgiving myself for my mistakes, letting go of shame, and making decisions that are the best for my body, mind, and spirit.

I’m finding out what REALLY sets my soul on fire, doing things that feel more in alignment, and more focused on my goals. It feels SO empowering to redefine what sobriety really means for myself and reminds me that I’m doing so much more than just not drinking.

The most phenomenal thing that’s come from sobriety is community. While I though drinking kept me connected, sobriety has me feeling more connected than ever.